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Positivity Portrait: Pastor Peter Kelm Written by Brian Jaeger Hits: 123
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Jacksonville News

New Jax Witty

Articles, reviews, advice, and legitimate research to go along with some back-handed comments. Think of us as Jacksonville's mother-in-law.
  • Three Decades and Then No Pet Headstone
    I know it kind of seems like news that a man who buried his pet 30 years ago could not find the headstone in a local pet cemetery. It's almost like the news stories about underrepresented minority cemeteries or poorly maintained veteran gravestones. Almost. It's a poodle that dies 30 years ago. If the owner had visited the grave each year for the past three decades, the headstone would not be lost. 

    In dog years, the main neglected to visit his dog for 210 years. That's like if no one visited your grave until your great-great-great-great-great grandkids showed up and quickly called the local news channel when they couldn't find your grave. In fact, I visited some of my relatives in Vermont who were buried on a private family farm there for about 200 years. My family was grateful that the current farm owner even let us look at the small cemetery, but we didn't really expect it to be meticulously maintained. 

    My dad buried at least one of our dogs in the back yard of the house I own in Milwaukee. It will probably freak out someone who wants to plant a tree there someday, but when my dad wants to visit, at least he knows where to go.


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  • Lyft Driver Jax Snap Review
    For reasons beyond my control, my first weekend of driving with Lyft resulted in an hour of work and two rides. From these two rides, I can see the potential for good and bad when it comes to rideshare driving with Lyft or Uber.


    I chose Lyft for the first month because it makes sense to go with one (Lyft or Uber) for one month, as they both have some kind of guaranteed amount for a new driver. The problem is that you have to give a lot of rides to meet the criteria, and doing that for two companies in your first month ever makes no sense.

    My first ride was at around 10pm. I'd debated clicking the little wheel for some time. When I finally clicked the button, late on a Friday night, I got an immediate assignment. Apartments on A1A. The rider texted a gate code but no real insight as to where in the complex to park. Problem is that the gate was open, I didn't hit the right button to arrive for him (so his app would say I was there), and I didn't read his text until later that evening. In fact, it's dangerous to have customers texting drivers.

    I ended up parking near the apartment office, hoping the rider would come find me after I hit the button to arrive. He did find me, and he proceeded to get in the front seat next to me. Not knowing any better, I immediately assumed every rider got up front to ride shotgun. My rider also smelled like one of those perfume shops in Paris. Like he bathed in the stuff. Meaning my car was bathing in it, along with its driver. Needless to say, I dropped him off at a bar in Jacksonville Beach.

    The Lyft Driver app then told me to stay in the area to get another ride at a higher price. I was by the bars in Jax Beach. I pulled into a parking lot and waited for another ride, as the little bonus gauge kept increasing. The ride I got was actually outside of the bar areas, and the rider was going home, but I still got the bonus. This rider took me to JTB and Hodges. I dropped her off and went home.

    Two rides my first time out. 46 minutes. $13. No tips. About $3 in bonus money. With the drive back home, it's about an hour of time. obviously, it would have paid for me to stay out two or three hours, and then set the destination mode for home at the end, but it was a good test to make sure I can make more than minimum wage, even if it's for a short shift.

    If you want to try out Lyft as a driver in Jacksonville or St. Augustine, click here.
    If you want to give Lyft a try as a rider, click this linkfor a $5 credit on your first ride.



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    Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

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  • Florida Teacher Pass Guide
    Several attractions offer free admission to Florida teachers. However, many of requirements are slightly different, so I thought I'd write them down so that I can remember (as a teacher) how to sign up for my free pass.

    Keep in mind that your kids (and non-teacher spouse) will still cost you money at all these locations.


    Crayola Experience in Orlando

    Teachers get in free with a valid ID, and it has to state "Teacher" on the ID. You can also get a year pass, not that it's any different. I am not sure if the Crayola Experience checks your ID against a state database to see if it's valid.


    Legoland
    Legoland requires a lot of documentation in person from a teacher:
    Guest must present their valid FDOE Professional or Temporary Certificate, a recent paystub (within 30 days) and current Florida photo ID to receive this offer.
    Once you confirm that you are a currently-employed teacher, then you get in for free. It does not seem to be a yearly pass. However, you can visit some linked destinations, as well:
    FREE standard Teacher Passes are also available at Madame Tussauds Orlando and SEA LIFE Orlando.

    Seaworld
    Teachers need to sign up with some other website that tries to verify if you're a teacher (and probably offer you products you might want). Once signed up, you can order the pass on the Seaworld website. I was not able to get verified with my school ID alone before I had a Florida teaching license, even though that's also supposed to work. Here's what you get once verified:
    The card provides Florida teachers with unlimited admission to SeaWorld Orlando through August 31.
    The evoucher is sent to your email, or you can print it out at home from the website. You take it to the ticket booth and get a teacher card.


    Kennedy Space Center
    I thought getting in as an educator here was supposed to be easy, but there are some fairly strict requirements, according to the website:
    Active Florida, Georgia, Puerto Rico or U.S. Virgin Islands Teaching Certificate
    Active badge with photo that shows the title Teacher or Educator
    Letter on school letterhead signed by the principal listing the name(s) of the teachers attending the field trip
    I am sure the marketing department wants to follow up with all schools sending teachers on field trips in order to see if entire school groups will show up. Yes, your principal will probably play along, but most teachers know getting to attend parks and museums for free is not generally about scheduling actual field trips for the students. And it's called a study pass. That's implying there might be a quiz at the end.

    Skeletons Museum of Osteology
    OK, I don't have any interest in seeing 500 skeletons. But free is free, right? If I was hanging out in Orlando with my teaching badge, I might check it out. The FDOE site says it's free with "valid school credentials." The museum website does not appear to confirm this.

    Escape Rooms
    I have no interest in escape rooms, and they're not even free, so don't bother.

    Tour St. Augustine 
    You need to email the company to arrange your free or reduced tour. This one is all about trying to book a student field trip, so be ready for a sales pitch.


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    Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

    Contact Me


  • Male Fashion and Lifetstyle: Cute Kids at the Gun Show
    I've always heard that women dig a man with kids. Since I was happily married when I had kids, I guess I wouldn't know. If you happen to be an uncle in search of a special lady, however, I'd recommend babysitting in order to show off the kids at a gun show.

    Sure, I had a dad belly myself in the preceding photo, but I still had some muscle left in my arms, and the best way to show off those guns was by holding a kid. Unlike holding a beer, you look responsible. Plus, little ones are so squirmy that they actually do make your muscles work, so you're not just flexing for no reason, like when you stand in front of the mirror at the gym. If you're a single uncle on the prowl, grab the kids and head to the mall, grocery store, or library, and watch the magic happen. 

    I would not recommend taking the kids to the bar or an actual gun show. Or anywhere that you could lose them easily. Maybe go to the park, but most of the hotties there are going to have kids of their own. You don't need to be a homewrecker, and you certainly should not use a toddler as your wing man if that's your intent. Anyhow, the morality of the whole scenario is kind of up to you. I'm only here to guide you with the basics of looking more handsome by adorning yourself with children. 

    Luckily for me, my wife thought I was more handsome with the kids in tow. If you are a husband with a strained marriage, then she might see you with resentment when you get to grab the kids and look all handsome while she's busy doing the real work around the house. Just ask her how you can help once in a while.

    Honestly, I think the best thing a man or woman can do in order to look good with kids is act as if that's where he or she wants to be. Others respond well to moms and dads (and uncles on the prowl) who look like they are having fun with the kids. That's not always easy, but if you can make parenting or babysitting look easy, then people assume you can handle anything, even a high-maintenance girlfriend.  

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    Thanks for reading. See more of my content:

    Satisfamily - Articles about being happy as a family
    Passive Ninja - Web Design in Jacksonville
    McNewsy - Creative Writing
    Educabana - Educational Resources
    Brave New Church - Church Website Design
    Voucher School - Pros and Cons of School Vouchers
    Luthernet - Web Design for Lutheran Churches
    Sitcom Life Lessons - What we've learned from sitcoms
    Mancrush Fanclub - Why not?
    Epic Folktale - Stories of the unknown
    Wild West Allis - Every story ever told about one place
    Educabana on Teachers Pay Teachers (mostly ELA lessons)
    Real Wisconsin News - Satire from Wisconsin
    Zoo Interchange Milwaukee - Community website
    Chromebook Covers - Reviews and opinions

    Brian Jaeger - Resume (I'm always interested)

    Contact Me


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